Independence for 9–12-Year-Old’s: A Montessori Perspective for Parents

As children enter the 9–12 age range, often referred to in Montessori education as the ‘second plane of development,’ they begin to seek more autonomy, responsibility, and a deeper sense of purpose in their daily lives. For parents, this period can be both exciting and challenging. The foundation of independence that was nurtured in the earlier years now begins to blossom

into something more nuanced—one that blends intellectual curiosity, emotional maturity, and social responsibility.

Montessori education offers invaluable insights into how to support this growth, both at school and at home. Here’s how parents can align with Montessori principles to nurture independence during this transformative stage.

At this age, children are in what Dr. Maria Montessori described as a time of ‘intellectual independance’. They are natural problem-solvers, questioners, and collaborators. Their thinking becomes more abstract, and they begin to develop a sense of justice, fairness, and personal values. They crave meaningful work and want to be involved in decisions that impact their lives.

 ‘Education is a natural process carried out by the child and is not acquired by listening to words but by experiences in the environment.’—Maria Montessori

Our environments for this age group reflect these needs by offering choice within structure, encouraging group projects, and allowing students to follow their interests while being accountable for their responsibilities. Parents can support this journey by fostering similar opportunities at home.

Encourage Responsibility Through Real-Life Tasks: Children in this age group are capable of contributing meaningfully to household responsibilities. Instead of framing chores as obligations, invite your child to take ownership of a task. Let them manage aspects of family life such as meal planning, cooking a dish, helping with a sibling, or managing their own schedules.

‘The child becomes a person through work.’ —Maria Montessori

Tip: Involve your child in creating a family calendar or weekly meal plan. This gives them agency while also teaching planning and organisation skills.

Offer Choice Within Boundaries: Montessori emphasises freedom within limits. Provide your child with options for how and when to complete tasks, while maintaining clear expectations.

‘To let the child do as he likes when he has not yet developed any powers of control is to betray the idea of freedom.’ —Maria Montessori

For example: ‘You need to finish a particular task before dinner. Would you like to do it right after school or after your snack?’ This approach respects the child’s growing need for autonomy while still guiding them

toward responsibility.

Encourage Self-Directed Learning: Montessori environments thrive on curiosity-driven exploration. You can support this by creating a home environment that sparks interest—books, tools for creative expression, science kits, or even access to safe online research platforms. 

‘The greatest gifts we can give our children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of

independence.’ —Maria Montessori

Ask questions like: ‘What are you curious about right now?’ or ‘What do you want to learn

more about this month?’

Normalise Mistakes as Part of Growth

Children in this age group may be hesitant to take risks if they fear failure. Emphasise that mistakes are a normal and valuable part of the learning process. Help them reflect on outcomes and problem-solve, rather than stepping in immediately to fix things.

‘The child who has never learned to work by himself, to set goals for himself, to overcome

obstacles by himself, will never develop independence or character.’ —Maria Montessori

Example: ‘It looks like the biscuits didn’t turn out the way you hoped. What do you think happened? What would you do differently next time?’

Trust Their Capabilities Sometimes the biggest barrier to independence is adult hesitation. Trust that your child is

capable of managing increasing levels of responsibility—even if they don’t do it perfectly right away. This trust communicates confidence and encourages self-confidence in return.

‘Never help a child with a task at which he feels he can succeed.’ —Maria Montessori

Reminder: Growth takes time, and building independence is a gradual process. Celebrate small victories along the way.

THE ROLE OF CONNECTION

As independence increases, so too does the need for connection. Children at this age benefit greatly from meaningful conversations, shared experiences, and collaborative decision- making. They want to be heard and understood. Spending intentional time together—whether during meals, walks, or shared hobbies—fosters a secure environment that allows independence to flourish.